Acceptance of functionality
see a doctor because they
extensive ‘modifications’ during life is learning for
was a 24/7 carer a couple of decades ago and with a
mixture of family and state care, I managed
sustain the limbo with a ‘mind emulsifier’ prescribed
by the state.
could name the medication but I don’t feel the
‘generic title’ is very important.
remember being rushed to a psychiatric hospital and
crying as I took my first blast of the brain
control leash I wore for 13 years.
I cried not
because I was distressed but as I
gonna be fine”
doable for over a decade. I held down a job, had a
650cc Suzuki motorbike,
from college with a diploma, lived independently,
dealt with my finances. But I can’t claim
be a solo pilot here; I am head injured.
these years, the effectiveness of the medication faded
and gradually its volume crept
into my life until I felt the ferocity of side effects
severity of the first meant I had to
return my driving license. The second makes me look
is permanently twisted away
from whomever I am speaking with
and the third like my tongue
be hung out my mouth for ventilation purposes.
life became bearable?
back track a little and I’ll paint a picture..
started taking the ‘mind emulsifier’; let’s call that
Olly, I was a 24/7 carer and the State wasn’t
enough to cover my critical duties at home
whilst I underwent the set
state ward supervised
the shit had hit the fan at home. I
had to leave..
was on the right path now.
are the robots. We function, if not-
turned my back towards a
system that was keeping my functionality alive
therefore sustaining itself)
has loathing, mistrust and even social disgust from
people in everyday walks of life..
one day I was getting my state paid
support from someone new who
noticed I had torticollis.
if I was taking any anti-psychotics, to which I said
yes.. - not quite sure
which way the
their psychiatric experience taking
anti-psychotics long term had
plunged myself back into the miasma of finding the
right key for state funded functionality again;
died but strangled me mentally in the end meaning I
you state functionality has to change from time to
time, I suppose..
A dismissive c'est la guerre. Perhaps
too often used in a refusal to learn more effectively?
a digital world everything is processed in
a binary fashion. As people we are processed by the
with a similar tick-box experience for efficiency, equality..
all other things nice too. ;-)
removal of Olly from my daily regime of consuming a
plethora of state funded functionality pills was
tin foil metal hat allowed me to bear the microwaves
at me by a neighbour
I wasn’t brave enough to face the world (for
about 3 weeks)
at all. The postman with his razor
envelopes concealed in the clutches of that scarlet red
might slice my
off cleanly if I don’t say hello properly..
reality was I opted for the choice
to remain at home with voice
support available 24/7 during the
the cracks in my mind' with a new colour of
than face being sucked into a constant
environment with other equally distressed people..
Olly has been removed from
my life completely and a NEW drug has gotta firm grasp
I guess I’m on a road to somewhere..
know, I’ve changed lane
and in effect
the latest ‘plug pill’ for the hole in my mind...